It is not YOU that I lost, but ME.
To my dream, my identity:
When it started sinking into me, that I lost you, I realised is not about losing the dream itself, it is about loss of an identity, loss of self-awareness, loss of self-care, loss of self-consciousness.
In this deepest depression phase, I can't recognize myself anymore, I stopped caring for myself, I stopped consoling myself, I was not aware of my being sad, I slapped myself hard when it got any positive ray of
hope, I just ignored my weeping, my restlessness. I deprived myself of dreaming any more, of realising the pending dreams as they meant nothing any more.
All this, till my pillow told me last night and tried to console me , telling me that I am crying to it too much and I should start taking care of myself.
Me to my pillow: I don't care!!
I am devoid of any more courtesy for myself, any strength to offer to myself, I just don't want to make myself feel good. I don't feel like making any attempt.
So, I did not lose just you, I lost myself and am crippled to recover myself back, forget about any effort to recover you back!!
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